Deprived
by DeidaraOfIwa
Summary: What happens when Sasori makes 'the anouncement? Will Deidara survive the week? Or will he get Sasori's attention again? Read to find out! Akatsuki crack fic. Shounen Ai, SasorixDeidara
1. Deprived: Sunday

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, or anything in Naruto.

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'...Squirt...Squirt...Squirt...Squi-'

"DEIDARA, STOP IT DAMMIT!" The usually calm and collected Sasori shouted.

On Kisame's last mission. He 'confiscated' a water gun from a little boy in Konahagakure village, to give to Deidara. Deidara thought he did it to be nice. Kisame really did it to see how much 'destruction' he could cause with it. So Deidara's been sitting in a chair across from Sasori who was 'trying' to read a book. Squirting him for the past five minutes.

Kisame who was sitting on the couch next to Itachi, and across the room from Deidara and Sasori, smirked to himself.

"..." Deidara stared, lowering his gun untill Sasori went back to reading, giving Deidara one last warning glare...

'...Squirt...Squirt...Squirt...Squirt...' The water from the gun hit Sasori in the face, all over his clouded cloak, and the last burst of water landed right in the middle of his collector's edition book, sinking into the pages, and smearing the ink. Sasori looked up ever so slowly, death glare directed straight at Deidara. For a second Deidara actually looked scared. But being who he was, he couldn't resist.

'...squirt...' The water hit Sasori square in the forehead. Deidara would of been proud of his work, if Sasori didn't look like he was ready to kill him.

"DAMMIT! THAT'S IT!!! NO MORE SEX FOR A WEEK!!!" Sasori shouted, glaring dangerously at Deidara. who presently looked shocked beyond belief that Sasori even 'went there', and so soon!?!

Itachi who was trying to enjoy his orange juice, spit it out all over his clothes, but he looked to shocked to care. Kisame trying his best not to laugh, covered his mouth, and Hidan who was walking by, and heard the 'unneeded' information, hurried off to his room, pretending he didn't hear anything, and trying to destroy the mental images that kept popping into his head.

"And give me that damn toy." Sasori reached over to take it, but Deidara held it protectively against his chest.

"Not until you take what you said back... un."

"I'm not taking it back, now hand it over." He reached a little over the table that was inbetween them.

"But.. But Sasori Danna..." If all else fails puppy dog eyes should do the trick.

"No, it's not working this time Deidara." The red haired puppet stated 'matter of factly.'

"But, you'll just torture yourself as well... Un!!!" Deidara flailed his arms up and down rapidly. Obviously panicking.

"...I'm a puppet, I think I can manage. Now give me that damn gun."

The blonde nin twitched. "I'm sorry Sasori Danna... I won't do it again. He said trying to sound as innocent as possible. Of course Sasori knew that Deidara wouldn't apologize unless he was desperate. He only did that as a last resort.

Sasori just reached over further, snached the gun from Deidara's hand, turned around, and stormed off. Completely ignoring the desprate pleas he got from Deidara. (Who currently looked like a kicked puppy.) Right when he almost reached his room, he felt something... and that something turned out to be Deidara, holding on to his leg for dear life, sprawled out on the floor. At this point Kisame wished he had a camera.

"Let go Deidara." Sasori started to try and shake him off.

"No, Sasori i'm sorrrrry... un."

"Let go." Sasori coldly shoved Deidara off of his leg, and slammed the door in Deidara's face before he could crawl in.

Deidara started banging on the door as hard as he could. "Sasori Danna!!! I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." There was complete silence from the other room. "DAMMIT SASORI, OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR!!!"

"..."

"That's it!!!" Deidara stated happily, clasping his hands together. "You know you can't resist my charms... So why don't you open the door... and let me in...un. He said suggestively.

"..."

"FINE! HAVE IT YOUR WAY... BUT I GURANTEE YOU'LL SEX ME UP BEFORE THIS WEEK IS OVER!!!" Deidara banged on the door one last time, before he left for his room. Mumbling things that sounded suspiciously like 'Damn puppet' and 'He can't resist this sexy beast... un.' as he walked.

The only one's in the room now were Kisame, who was laughing uncontrollably, and the still wide eyed Uchiha.

"...Puppet...Sex?...Puppet..." Itachi mumbled as he got up, and headed toward his room to get a change of clothes.

"I am so taking bets!" Kisame laughed to himself.

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So, what did you think? If you liked it, and would like it to be continued. Please review.


	2. Deidara's Plan

Thanks alot for all the reviews!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything or anyone from Naruto.

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It was the next day since the argument, and Sasori still kept true to what he told Deidara. Which was driving the blonde crazy. So Deidara has been in his room, staring at the wall for what seemed like forever, thinking of a way to get Sasori's attention. But was failing miserably.

"Hmmm... What if I climbed in a cake naked, and have...Tobi? Yeah, he'd do it. Have Tobi push me to Sasori's room thinking it was a gift... Then as soon as Tobi leaves the room... I'll pop out and seduce that evil puppet... yeah... that'll work...Un" Deidara said excitedly, as he left the cave to get the cake in the closest village he could find.

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"Ok, fine. I bet one hundred dollars that Sasori keeps Deidara in the doghouse for a full week." Itachi anounced, giving into Kisame's bet.

"Well, I bet one hundred bucks that Sasori pounces Deidei by the end of the week." Kisame anounced also. Letting a smug look grace his features.

"Fine"

"Fine"

Itachi turned to walk out of the room. Not a second after he left, Kisame headed to Sasori's room.

"Time to talk to Sasori." Kisame whispered to himself, making his way down the halls. Grinning the whole way to Sasori's room.

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"Hey... Tobi?... Oh there you are...un." Deidara ran into Tobi's room, pushing the huge cake with wheels on the bottom. Tobi was laying on his bed, arm draped over the side. Looking bluntly bored. But Deidara was going too fix that.

"Oh... Hey Deidara..." Tobi started raising himself up, so that his legs were draped over the side of the bed. "What's wron- WHOA WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!!!"

Deidara not taking the liberty to ask Tobi if he would help first. Started stripping. He was in the middle of pulling his boxers down when Tobi destracted him with the outburst. But Deidara just brushed it off with a careless expression, and continued stripping. After taking all his clothes off, he kicked them to the side of the room, and walked over to Tobi.

"WHOA, Deidei, I'm not like that!!!" He started backing up on his bed, covering the hole in his mask with his hand. Deidara continued walking, and sat down beside Tobi. "Deidara, I'm innocent. I'm still a virgin!!! I'm a 'good boy' dammit!!! HELP ZETSU!!! LEADER!!! I'M BEING SEXUALLY HARRASED BY DEID-" Deidara wacked him over the head, since he couldn't cover his mouth.

"Idiot... I'm not trying to rape you!!! Un!!!" Deidara shouted.

"Then why are you naked in _my_ room!?!" Tobi protested still covering his eye.

"I...need your help." He admitted.

"...My...Help?" Tobi asked.

"...Yes, I'm sure Kisame told you all about yesterday..."

"Yeah, haha that would have been hilarious... I wish I saw it." Deidara slapped him over the head again.

"If you want to live, shut up! And it wasn't funny... It was angsty... Un." Deidara glared.

"Don't worry, I bet a hundred dollars that you would get laid by the end of the week." Tobi anounced, obviously proud of himself. For what? Deidara didn't know. He was to busy thinking of ways the Akatsuki could enjoy fish. Sushi? Grilled? They all sounded pleasent to Deidara. Tobi's hands were now on his abused head. "Heheh, There's no way Sasori could go a week without sex. I bet every time you two travel together, you have to stop every other hour for a sex break."

"...That bastard!!! I'm gonna kill him!!!" The blonde roared. Not hearing Tobi's comment. "How dare he take bets on my angsty, teenage life!!!" Just as he stood up to find Kisame. He was pulled down by Tobi, who grabbed his arm.

"Kill Kisame later, what did you need my help with?"

"Oh... yeah!" Deidara jumped back on the bed, anger forgotten for the moment. He started whispering in Tobi's ear. (Which was to close for Tobi's liking.) Telling him the whole plan that he thought up that morning. "Ok, any questions?"

"Yeah... how do you get in the cake?

"..."

"..."

"Well, you just..." Deidara walked over to the cake. "Lift it up like this..." The top didn't budge.

"..."

"Well you... you... Open Sesame?..." Deidara was just about to kick it, but decided against it... for now. "We'll figure it out later... Any questions about your job? Un."

"Nope, I just push you there and when I stop, that's your signal to pop out, and I have exactly five seconds to leave the room... That's it, right?"

"Yup, good boy, you listened." He smiled as he patted Tobi on the head. Causing Tobi to twitch.

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Kisame knocked on Sasori's door. Which got no response from the puppet. "Probably Thinks I'm Deidara... HEY SASORI!!! OPEN UP!!!" He started banging harder, untill...

"What do you want?" Sasori said, sounding annoyed. Which made Kisame grin.

"Well you don't seem like your in a good mood." Kisame's grin widened. "Want to talk about it?"

"No, I don-" He was cut off by Kisame. Who walked around Sasori and closed the door behind him.

"Good, we have alot to talk about." The shark look alike walked over to the bed and plopped down. If looks could kill, the akatsuki would be eating fish tonight. Sasori directed a death glare at Kisame. Who just brushed it off, they didn't effect him anymore. Since he's with Itachi all the time, he got used to them.

"We have nothing to talk about." Knowing that Kisame wouldn't leave. The red haired shinobi walked over to his bed, and gracefully sat down next to Kisame.

"What about Deidara?" Kisame sounded smug.

"What about him?" Sasori's eyebrow twitched.

"Isn't he _hot_?"

Sasori's calm look had just come back... untill now. Kisame's last remark brought out his glare again. "I don't want to talk about him."

Kisame completly ignoring Sasori, continued talking. Thus making Sasori's 'glare', move up to the rank of 'death glare.' "I mean this morning I walked in on him taking a shower. He was wet, hot, sexy...naked... Heck, I'll be straight up with you. He made me horny..." Kisame was lying, of course.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"... Well... This is awkward..."

"Out" Sasori pointed to the door. Deathglare stronger than ever.

"What? We just started talki-"

"Out"

"Aw come on buddy, No hard feelin-"

"Out"

"Bu-"

'BANG' The door slammed open. Tobi ran in with a badly abused cake. (They had to get him in there somehow.) Three seconds after he ran in he stopped, turned around and ran. closing the door behind him, he swiftly turned back around and pressed his ear up to the door.

What... just happened?" Kisame said slowly.

"..."

"Heehee." Tobi giggled as he listened. "Three...Two...One..."

The naked Deidara jumped out of the cake, and landed in front of it. A smug look directed at a shocked Sasori... until.

"HAHAHAHA!!! What the hell Deidei. Hahaha!!!" Kisame who was trying to keep his balance from laughing so hard, reached in his pants pocket and pulled out a camera. "Haha, I didn't forget it this time!"

'FLASH'

"TOBI!!! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!!!" A very embarrased Deidara, ran for the door. But tripped over the cake. 'FLASH' Even Sasori looked amused. 'FLASH' Face still flaming from anger, and embarrasment. Deidara got up as fast as he could and slammed the door open. Shoving a just as surprized Tobi out of the way.Deidara ran down the hall as fast as he could to Tobi's room. Since his clothes were in there. Kisame was chasing him taking pictures, and Tobi just followed them.

Hidan was walking back to his room. He just had a talk with the leader about a mission, him and Kakuzu would be asigned to. But stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Deidara, butt naked. Followed by Kisame laughing as he was taking pictures, and Tobi, who was just tagging along. He closed his eyes, and decided it was time to pray... for the second time that day.

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If you want. You can do Kisame's bet for fun in your reviews. Do you think Sasori will crack? Or do you think Deidara will be deprived of sex for the full week? Please review!


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